My Lisa 1: Fearless

Oil Paint on Canvas, 30” x 10”, 2022

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My Lisa 1: Fearless

Lisa appeared out of nowhere, the mysterious new kid, when we were eleven. She could sing like Carly Simon and she taught me how to dance. She embraced adventures, looking back at me with a smug glance that threatened to leave me behind.

We were inseparable throughout middle school. We made plans to hitchhike across America and hang glide. Lisa was fast and wild and clever. Her fearlessness had an edge of raging insanity that pushed me beyond my comfortable “good-girl” boundaries.

When we were fifteen, her father sent her away to Alaska. I didn’t know why she left, but after a year she came back with a baby and a melancholy aloofness. Our friendship was in limbo, awkward. I pushed her away in an immature and cruel way.

Ten years later, I heard she died of alcohol-related liver disease. Why didn’t I ever reach out to her? How could I be so cold? Could I have saved her?